I'm so angry right now
and upset
and annoyed
and pissed off
and ughhhh!

Maybe moving schools is a good idea,
my friends don't bother replying on msn
the best friend makes other plans over the ones we've already made
boys are just stupid and gay and shitheads
the ones you like, never like you back

This always happens,
I get a good feeling about making a strong decision,
and then you leave me alone for a couple of hours and I get so so so insecure.

The truth is,
I don't really fit in anywhere.
I'll probably never find a group or a person who'll completely understand me.

Taylor Swift depresses me
but I can't stop listening to her.
It always seems whenever I'm down, everyone else in the world is havingthe best of times.
Fuck this I have to work tomorrow too.

No-one will go to the city with me on Monday.
Truth is the only reason I probably want to go out there is to see City Boy.
How fucking sad.

You know what else sucks,
the only reason I probably want to see him is because he gives me attention.
He told me I was the most prettiest, most cutest girl ever.
It's been a a while.

'All you've ever wanted was to wanted'

Fuck, I'm sad.
Fuck, it's probably cause I'm 'clingy'
I don't know if it would be described as that.
I like constant text messages, I like affection. I like to know I'm on someone's mind.

Pray to God,
I can stop all this miserable shit.
I want to be happy and confident. I don't want to care if boys like me or not. I want to have fun fun fun al the time. I want to meet someone who'll understand me, someone who I can click with, even if we have nothing in common.
I want it to rain and pour down so hard.
The sun shines so bright these days, so why can't I?

Maybe, I should just stop being the one who says Hi to City Boy.
Maybe, I should grace the city with my presence and hope to God he notices me and I'll take his breath away.

I feel okay, less shitty and miserable and angry.

Zach is calling me, hopefully he makes me feel better.
he's one of the funniest people I know.

so I've finished watching 'Sixteen Candles'
and the best friend has helped me realise,
City Boy isn't right.

Sure, he's perfect
but not perfect for me.

We never have anything to say,
he doesn't bother replying to texts
and doesn't even try to make a conversation.
I asked him if he wanted to see a movie at galleria
and he said, 'nahh, sounds like a fucking trek.'

Any boy who can't take the time to hang out with me,
isn't worth it.
I don't want to sound up myself or anything but yeah...
If a guy really really likes you, then they'd make an effort.

Fuck him
:)

so I spent like 2 hours waiting for him to come online,
so I could say hello and possibly tell him
I'm crushing on him.

And now he's online,
and his msn name says '....+ friends'
and now I'm too scared to say hi.
What if my dp is too uncool?
What if I say something stupid?
What if they're taking the piss out of me?

ughhhhh!
what to do?
what to do?



I JUST SAID HELLO :)
*covers eyes with hands*

omg omg omg omg
omg omg omg omg
omg omg omg omg
WHAT HAVE I DONE?

okay, I closed the msn window
I feel a little better....
note to self: Text the best friend in a few to see how her date is going

work tomorrow
hope I can city with Eleanor on Sunday,
haven't see her in a while

fingers crossed, everything goes well

I am so stupid, so so stupid when it comes to boys I have a crush on
:/
Don't worry, you won't understand.
I feel so cheap, kind of.
No don't worry, I didn't have sex with anyone
;D

Boys are the ones who should be paying for dates,
they should be gentlemens.
Not asking girl's for money :/
I know times have changed but I can't change my opinion on this.

On a happier note, Kirstie and Alisha said they'll smack me one,
next time this happens.
Zach called the guy a cock.

Oh, Zach and Lisha spent all day sucking face and got
kicked out of many stores.
Made me laugh :D

Met city boy, he hugged me and poked my cheeks.
This afternoon he said,
'You're the most cutest, most prettiest girl ever :)'

YAY!
But he got a haircut, looked so much cuter when it was longer,
but eh he still was dreamy gorgeous.

Saw a homeless boy, was going to buy him a happy meal,
but when we walked past him the second time,
he was gone D:

Tokyo Underground has the prettiest bows now but not big enough
D:

Can't stop listening to 'Fifteen' by Taylor Swift

Why can't boys be gentlemens anymore?
Why do you do stupid things for the people you crush on?
ughhhhh
:/

I don't feel so bad anymore, it's just this weird feeling.
I don't know what it is.
It's freaking me out yet I am so calm.

oh I forgot to say,
yesterday at work, this customer kept looking at me weird
and then after a while he came up to me and gave me his business card.

He said,
'I know this may mean nothing to you now, but you are a special person.
And you may need my help one day, so hold on to this'

.......

so confused right now,
but I'll start with yesterday.

So I was sitting in my room watching movies,
when my sister comes in with my phone saying I got a new msg
AND IT WAS CITY BOY!

and we got talking and all night I couldn't stop smiling.
He added me on Myspace and msn, but msn was a little weird?
I didn't know what to say to him and today,
nothing.

Last night, he said he wanted to hang out some time,
maybe royal show.
But today, I'm too scared to talk to him on msn,
I sent him a myspace comment this morning but nothing, no reply

WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN WITH GUYS I LIKE?
fuck me,
I'm sick of all lovey dovey couples who keep proclaiming their love for each other to me

I hope things look up,
I'm making lemon sorbet at the moment.

I'm home
and sick and very very cold
but tonight was fun

Laughed so much, my head was spinning
from stepping into Tit's water bowl to scaring year 12's with our love for them
tonight was one of the best nights

right now I am not that tired
I am too buzzed
Might watch 'Clockwork Orange' in a sec

wait...
no I'm pretty tired now
hehe
good night journal
Hopefully I get up in time for work tomorrow