so I'm sitting here,
'Coin Laundry' by Lisa Mitchell playing loudly
window open, cool breeze hitting me
painting to my heart's content.

Today was kind of a shitty day,
shitty days have been rare lately but they suck
woke up grumpy and then everything went downhill from there
but I'm okay now.

Party tomorrow, not even the slightest bit excited.
For Halloween, I'm going to be a giant cigarette box.

Halloween costume nearly done, then onto my river cruise dress.
Need to sew the tutu onto the corset. Hopefully it looks good
*crosses fingers*

Does age really matter in love?
Is it acceptable for 15 yr olds to be going out with 25 yr olds?
Does it really matter what's acceptable?
Recently on the news, this 44yr old man was in love with a 95yr old woman.
That's something.

I'm hoping for cool, happy days again please
Beautiful by Eminem is an amazing song.

Things To Do:

- Take a shower in the next 15 minutes
- Finish baking my carrot cake for school tomorrow
- Find a costume for Halloween Party
- Start jam sessions with Luke again, who happens to be an ace bassist and guitarist
- Make costumes for photography/graphic design project
- Find location for photoshoot
- Buy polaroid film for shoot
- Get extensions again
- FIX UP DRESS FOR RIVER CRUISE
- BUY TICKETS FOR RIVER CRUISE

Oh, it is a small world.
I went on arts camp a while back and met this Perth actor,
Jeffrey Jay Fowler.
Only the most gorgeous man in the world.
(That guy in the HBF ads, who has on the glasses)
AND IT TURNS OUT HE IS FRIENDS WITH MY NEW ART TEACHER!
And my art teacher (Mr. MacNeil), well his girlfriend's younger sister
was the arts camp coordinator!

HHAHAHA!
Anyway, Jeffrey is gay D:
But I really just want to get to know him and stuff :D
*crosses fingers*

Pretty happy with life at the moment.
Super easy week.
Year 12's all gone. More then half Year 10's gone to camp.
I only have about 6 people in each of my classes left.
So we do basically nothing.



OH,
Mother unit found ciggarettes in my room.
She didn't even yell at me :)

I need adventure fast!

first week of school gone by.
nothing exciting happened.
got sent down to admin to remove my makeup today along with half of my math class.

Put pink in my hair.
Got addicted to the song 'Meet Me Halfway'
Downloading The Smiths again because I love them so
Work tomorrow D:


BUT!
Seeing Final Destination in 3D tomorrow night
then dinner at Fast Eddy's for Toby's birthday
So so so many people are coming, word spread around so we're expecting most of the year tens :/
meaning we won't get a table probably D:
but hoping to see Brodie who works at Gloria Jeans ;D
*fingers crossed*

It has been so hot lately
I don't want a tan!

'hang the DJ, hang the DJ'

so I guess it's been a while.

Wednesday, went to see 500 Days of Summer.
Fun day. Started off with breakfast at Fast Eddy's with Mikayla + milkshakes.
Walked back to galleria, met up with Luke and Alex.
Then we found Kane + met Alex's friends Connor and Joel.

Movie was okay...
Joel fell asleep and they drew on his face with eyeliner.
Got yelled at for talking too loud in the movie.

Mikayla and I ran away from everone afterwards.
The guys met up with Angela.
Got these two peach lace dress things, absolutely in love with them.

AND
there was this guy.
His name is Brodie and he works at Gloria Jeans.
The first time we went there, he smiled at me
and put extra chocolate dust on my hot chocolate :D

The second time he smiled again :D
And then we sat down at lunch and Kane went over and asked how old he was for me.
And then he looked over and smiled.
And Kane said he looked really happy.
He's 19.

Then the guys dragged me back over,
and asked for his number and he said he was taken.
And that was pretty embarassing.
So, then I ordered something to stop the weirdness,
and I couldn't look at him but he was smiling at me.
And I swear I had gone really really red.

And that's it.

And Luke,
EW!

He and I used to be like best friends but then he told me he had a crush on me
and I hate hate hate it when guys do that.
So we haven't talked for about 4 months and he kept trying to hug me and put his arm around me.
I kept dodging and walking off.
But he still didn't get the message, afterwards he said 'We should catch up again?'

UGH!
I was thinking
'FUCKING IDIOT! I just spent the entire day ignoring, dodging you, arguing with everything you say & you still want to hang out?!?!?'
And all day he kept asking people to buy him food and looking at people's food as they were eating.
I HATE BOYS WHO SCAB OFF GIRLS + BIG EGOS!

Then Kane bought a drink for Mikayla and Luke just took it and drank it all.
Stupid poor, ugly, fat boy.

Other then that good day :)
Dinner at Mikayla's, her mum is so cute!

I want to change my hair again or maybe just something about my appearance.
I want to dye my hair an ash blonde.
So it's like grayish.

All I have to say for now.
Oh, I think I'm moving schools.
I don't know if this is good or bad.
I'm just starting to get the hang of everything and life is good.
Will this change be for better or worse?
Hmmm....

Good night blog.

best thing in the world :D

lying in bed
eating almond nougats
drinking affogato
texting my best friend about waffles and ice cream

haahah
about City Boy, getting over it was ehh
but then he got a really stupid haircut, so I feel all better now

PLAN FOR WEDS:
seeing 500 Days of Summer
with the best friend, AAREX who is amazingly funny + Luke who is this guy I used to be biffles with but he was kinda clingy and weird and liked me
which freaks me out!

I'm so sleepy and it's only half past four in the afternoon.

:D:D:D

I'm so angry right now
and upset
and annoyed
and pissed off
and ughhhh!

Maybe moving schools is a good idea,
my friends don't bother replying on msn
the best friend makes other plans over the ones we've already made
boys are just stupid and gay and shitheads
the ones you like, never like you back

This always happens,
I get a good feeling about making a strong decision,
and then you leave me alone for a couple of hours and I get so so so insecure.

The truth is,
I don't really fit in anywhere.
I'll probably never find a group or a person who'll completely understand me.

Taylor Swift depresses me
but I can't stop listening to her.
It always seems whenever I'm down, everyone else in the world is havingthe best of times.
Fuck this I have to work tomorrow too.

No-one will go to the city with me on Monday.
Truth is the only reason I probably want to go out there is to see City Boy.
How fucking sad.

You know what else sucks,
the only reason I probably want to see him is because he gives me attention.
He told me I was the most prettiest, most cutest girl ever.
It's been a a while.

'All you've ever wanted was to wanted'

Fuck, I'm sad.
Fuck, it's probably cause I'm 'clingy'
I don't know if it would be described as that.
I like constant text messages, I like affection. I like to know I'm on someone's mind.

Pray to God,
I can stop all this miserable shit.
I want to be happy and confident. I don't want to care if boys like me or not. I want to have fun fun fun al the time. I want to meet someone who'll understand me, someone who I can click with, even if we have nothing in common.
I want it to rain and pour down so hard.
The sun shines so bright these days, so why can't I?

Maybe, I should just stop being the one who says Hi to City Boy.
Maybe, I should grace the city with my presence and hope to God he notices me and I'll take his breath away.

I feel okay, less shitty and miserable and angry.

Zach is calling me, hopefully he makes me feel better.
he's one of the funniest people I know.

so I've finished watching 'Sixteen Candles'
and the best friend has helped me realise,
City Boy isn't right.

Sure, he's perfect
but not perfect for me.

We never have anything to say,
he doesn't bother replying to texts
and doesn't even try to make a conversation.
I asked him if he wanted to see a movie at galleria
and he said, 'nahh, sounds like a fucking trek.'

Any boy who can't take the time to hang out with me,
isn't worth it.
I don't want to sound up myself or anything but yeah...
If a guy really really likes you, then they'd make an effort.

Fuck him
:)

so I spent like 2 hours waiting for him to come online,
so I could say hello and possibly tell him
I'm crushing on him.

And now he's online,
and his msn name says '....+ friends'
and now I'm too scared to say hi.
What if my dp is too uncool?
What if I say something stupid?
What if they're taking the piss out of me?

ughhhhh!
what to do?
what to do?



I JUST SAID HELLO :)
*covers eyes with hands*

omg omg omg omg
omg omg omg omg
omg omg omg omg
WHAT HAVE I DONE?

okay, I closed the msn window
I feel a little better....
note to self: Text the best friend in a few to see how her date is going

work tomorrow
hope I can city with Eleanor on Sunday,
haven't see her in a while

fingers crossed, everything goes well